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Escape Plan in 5 Easy Steps (So You Don’t Get Murdered on an Island)

July 7, 2017
Julie Jarema
Riveted Editorial Board

I like to abide by the major safety rules: stay inside and wear a helmet. However, there are times where you have to put on pants and go outside. I would never end up on an island for spring break because I hate the sun, and I also spent every spring break locked in my bathroom at home (the only place where my family wouldn’t bother me) in a mad attempt to finish writing midterm essays.

But I guess most people like to go somewhere warm and sunny for spring break. For example: Anna, her boyfriend Tate, her best friend Elise, and a few other close friends take a trip to Aruba for their senior spring break in Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas. Horrifyingly enough, Elise is found murdered on this trip.

If you fine readers are thinking about tempting fate this summer and leaving the safe confines of your home, chances are probably good that you’ll be able to avoid a similar fate but to help increase your odds, I’ve devised a fool-proof escape plan:


STEP 1: Come prepared.

Escape Plan 1

Bring EVERYTHING. Some people might make fun of you for overpacking, but you’ll be the last one laughing when a murderer runs at you and you can just pull out your trusty chain saw. Also, make sure you bring sun screen. You can pack it between your fire extinguisher and machete.


STEP 2: Evaluate your surroundings and prioritize your special abilities (Parkour, holding your breath for two and a half minutes, flailing, etc.).

Escape Plan 2

Always know where your nearest exists are and make sure you know your strengths and weaknesses. Make sure to take into account your friends’ weaknesses, too. You know, since you may not be the fastest runner, but if you’re faster than someone else in your group you might make it…


STEP 3: Be suspicious.

Escape Plan 3

Your helmet can’t protect you from everything so be sure to suspect everyone–both strangers and non-strangers. Your friends may ask you why you’re acting so paranoid, but that might be because they’re trying to lull you into a false sense of security.


STEP 4: When those suspicions are proven true and you realize that your life is in danger, hide.

Escape Plan 4

If you can’t see the murderer, the murderer can’t see you!


STEP 5: When you can’t hide any longer, refer to Step 1 and whip out your inflatable human hamster ball and start running until you get to a different island where you should immediately put on a disguise and morph into your emergency persona, Fitzwilliam Zindledorf.

Escape Plan 5

Now aren’t you glad you packed EVERYTHING?


As you ponder over my fail-proof steps, keep in mind that I said I never go outside or on vacation…so this may not actually be the best advice. But I do have some good advice for you: start reading Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas! It’s available as a free read until July 17th so don’t waste another minute!

 

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