Riveted Original

My 30 Random Thoughts While Watching the Sharknado Marathon

August 2, 2016
Isa Caban
Riveted Editorial Board

Confession: I love stories that deal with weird and unusual things falling from the sky.

The plots of some of my favorite films like Irvin Yeaworth’s The Blob and books like Andrew Smith’s 100 Sideways Miles center around what madness ensues after something unimaginable falls from the sky. Since I already have a fascination for this specific type of storytelling, it should come as no surprise to anyone that I have also always had a desire to jump on the Sharknado bandwagon. And this past weekend friends, I finally got my NADO on!

Thanks to the recent premiere of Sharknado: The 4th Awakens, my Summer of Weird is in full swing. To gear up for the 4th installment of this Syfy film series, I spent this past Sunday binge-watching the first three films FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME before settling in to watch the latest addition to the flying-shark franchise. Jam-packed with countless “this is so bad, it’s good” moments, here are 30 random thoughts I had while watching the 8-hour long Sharknado marathon. Please enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER: IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO BE A SPOILER, PLEASE DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT**

WHILE WATCHING SHARKNADO

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1. Of course the ultimate shark slayer man in this movie is named FIN.

2. Having a shark drop from the sky and land on your face is definitely a bad way to go.

3. A chainsaw wouldn’t be my ideal weapon during a sharknado. WAY TOO HEAVY for me to wield around and run with.

4. Nope, don’t do it Tara Reid’s character! Don’t kiss Ian Ziering’s lips covered in shark blood. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. She kissed them. I’ll walk away and throw up now.

WHILE WATCHING SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE

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5. Hmm…a book titled HOW TO SURVIVE A SHARKNADO exists in this movie. I wonder if it exists in REAL life—(searches on Amazon)—FOUND IT!!! IT REALLY DOES EXIST!!!

6. Ugh, I thought I had to just worry about snakes on a plane. Now, I have to worry about sharks too.

7. Is that Mark McGrath?! Yep, it is. “Fly” was my JAM back in the day. And now it’s officially stuck in my head.

8. Note to self: make sure to have a Taser handy in case a shark randomly decides to fly out of the ocean and suck on my best friend’s face.

9. NOOOO! Why did the sassy cab driver have to die?! RIP sassy cab driver. You were my fave.

10. You should definitely go bike riding in the middle of a Sharknado if you definitely want to die.

11. I would totally watch the news more if animated sharks were a part of more weather forecasts.

12. Tara Reid’s character has a saw for a hand! YAAAAAAASSSSS!

 

WHILE WATCHING SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO!

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13. I guess people aren’t lying when they say Washington, D.C. is swimming with sharks—nailed it! 😉

14. Frankie Muniz?! Prediction: Malcolm in the Middle will NOT be surviving this sharknado.

15. Pro of visiting Universal Studios while a sharknado is happening: No waiting in line to ride the rollercoasters.

16. A SHARK JUST ATE THROUGH GEORGE R.R. MARTIN! ANOTHER SHARK JUST DECAPITATED GEORGE R.R. MARTIN! THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!

17. David Hasselhoff is humanity’s only hope for survival against the sharks. Sharks, you can’t hassle The Hoff!

 

WHILE WATCHING SHARKNADO: THE 4TH AWAKENS

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18. Sharknado 4 takes place in Las Vegas. Guess Sin City is about to turn into FIN city! I’m so good at dad jokes.

19. TARA REID’S CHARACTER NOW HAS A LIGHTSABER FOR A HAND!!! Can anybody say upgrade?!

20. It’s nice to know Texas has chainsaw stores conveniently by the side of the road when you need one. Then again, it is the home state of Leatherface after all.

21. I have a theory: Gary Busey and Tara Reid are ACTUALLY father and daughter in real life. I’m totes serious about this.

22. Will Smith, watch your back. Tara Reid might just replace you as the lead in Hancock 2!

23. MOOOOVE out of the way! IT’S A COWNADO!!! This film just reached a whole new level of awesomely bad.

24. If you name your kid Gil, of course he’s going to grow up believing his mom is a shark. Duh Fin!

25. Wait a minute. LIGHTNINGnados, LAVAnados, HAILnados, and NUKEnados are also a thing now?! Humanity is officially screwed.

26. Former Baywatch ladies—if you run in slow motion, your chances of surviving a NUKEnado become very slim. Just sayin’.

27. Lil’ Gil saves the day with his mini chainsaw! Papa Fin should be proud.

28. Miniature sharks can be used as defibrillators! Gotta love science!

29. Did Nova just ride the Eiffel Tower all the way to Niagara Falls? This can only mean one thing: Sharknado’s going INTERNATIONAL!!!! I DEMAND the 5th movie have fancy, beret-wearin’ sharks!

30. Sharknado 4 is weird AF and I loved every minute of it! #noregrets

 

Have you seen Sharknado: The 4th Awakens? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below!

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