Riveted Original

10 Animals to Avoid in the World of Savage

June 2, 2016
Janine Perez
Riveted Editorial Board

If you haven’t heard of the book Savage yet, allow me to do the honor of introducing you to my worst nightmare:

In Savage a storm hits the small island of Benediction and turns all the animals into instruments of terror and death. As someone who specializes in regularly thinking of impossible worst-case-scenarios, I can tell you that I have imagined this happening in real life and I am prepared! Well… not really. Can anyone actually be prepared for all the animals to go crazy and attack with no warning? What I do have is a list of animals I would actively avoid in this situation. Take a good look at this list. It could save your life one day!

10. Lions/Tigers/Bears

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I’m grouping these animals together because they’re obviously dangerous. This doesn’t take any thought. Even now, when they supposedly only hunt for food, I’m not sure I trust them. I looked at a lion in real life once and while its mane said “I’m just a beautiful, majestic animal doing my thing,” its eyes said, “I will tear you apart just to hear you scream.”

9. Squirrels

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Squirrels are dangerous because they’re ridiculously fearless. They’re like the ninjas of the animal kingdom. They have no qualms about jumping across buildings or onto moving vehicles. If they were going to go in for the kill, they would go all the way in for it. Where you go, they will follow. There would be no escaping a squirrel that decided it was going to attack!

8. Dolphins

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I know what you’re thinking: Dolphins are cute and stuck in the water. What could they possibly do even if they went savage? The Answer: They can do A LOT! Dolphins are smart; it wouldn’t take them long to figure out how to get you into the water and drown you. Also, fun fact: Dolphins are the only animals besides humans that are known to torture each other for fun. Mind you, this is WITHOUT the assistance of a storm making them evil. Long story short, stay away from dolphins.

7. Porcupines

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Have you seen them? Sure, in some lights they’re cute. Personally, I love the way they waddle, but nature has made their entire bodies dangerous! Even if they don’t have the heart to wield their deadly spikes, other savage animals can use them as weapons. They’re the samurai swords of the wild!

6. Birds

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Birds can fly, which gives them the upper hand in any scenario. That combined with the fact that they travel in flocks means they’ll always outnumber you. Also, have you ever seen the movie The Birds? Well, don’t if you ever want to go outside without worrying about birds getting together and pecking out your eyeballs! You may be thinking, “well, ok but surely not all birds; ostriches can’t fly.” That may be true, but they can run 43 mph, weigh over 200lbs, and use their sharp beaks. Who do you really think is going to win in a battle between you and a deranged ostrich?

5. Beavers

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If they can chew through tree trunks they can chew through your limbs. Enough said.

4. Cats

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Sure, some of us are cat people. We love our cats and we want to believe our cats love us. But let’s be real, whenever anyone asks, “Do you think your cat is trying to kill you?” you have to pause before you deny it. That’s because we all know that our cats have definitely planned our demise, and simply keep us around to feed and play with them. In the world of Savage, they would not have the foresight to think of keeping us alive as slaves. Therefore, we would all be dead.

TL;DR If the animals go crazy, ditch your cat.

3. Elephants

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Do you WANT to be stepped on? Because hanging around a bloodthirsty elephant is how you get stepped on.

2. Monkeys/Baboons/Apes

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I know you’ve seen Planet of the Apes. In this scenario they may not have achieved superior intelligence, but these guys are just plain bad news. Not only do they have thumbs, they use tools. That means when you’re going up against one of these guys, you don’t just have to worry about their strength, weight, and superior agility; you have to worry about whatever medieval torture tool they’ve come up with to knock you out for good.

1. Sharks

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Sure, sharks may have the same limitations as dolphins, but they’re very crafty creatures. If there’s anything I’ve learned from watching the Sharknado movies, Ghost Shark, and Sand Sharks, it’s that angry sharks are capable of anything—even flying across land, swallowing a working chainsaw, and figuring out how to manifest in a cup of water just to eat the person holding it. Angry sharks are the worst.

There you have it, the animals to avoid in case of emergency!

What animals would you avoid? Share with us in the comments! And don’t forget to check out Savage by Thomas Sniegoski!

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